I have often used the analogy of a bucket for how much capacity I have to deal with life. Everything takes up space in the bucket — cooking, cleaning, showering, errands. Those are all things that most people think of that would be in a bucket. But then there are the unseen things that take up space in the bucket — emotional challenges and physical pain are the 2 biggest ones that I know about. No one can see when my joints are all hurting, but my bucket is full, to over-flowing, and I have very little capacity to deal with normal daily challenges. Or when I am very concerned about one of my children, then my bucket is more full than when life is going smoothly.
What does this have to do with this time of year? Well, another thing that fills my bucket is being busy. Every activity takes energy and I have to ration my expenditure of energy. I have a Plan B to pretty much every day. If I know that Wednesday is going to be busy, then I arrange the rest of my week so that Tuesday and Thursday are slow (meaning I don’t leave the house, if possible). At this time of year, I get hit with sequential days that have events. I start to really struggle when that occurs.
Then occasionally I will have an insomnia night — like night before last. I was awake from about 2-4 am. I wish I had a little read-out on my body that told me that I was going to be awake for X amount of time. If I had known it was going to be 2 hours — I would have gotten up and done something productive. But I did my usual things to help me to back to sleep but nothing helped and I was awake for a long time. I actually did fine yesterday but today — ugh! I woke up at 3 am with a migraine and it has been blasting inside my head all day. I am not sure if the sleep change or the poor air quality caused my migraine. But today, my bucket has been overflowing. As long as I was doing things only for me, at my pace, I was fine. But once someone wanted to talk to me, have me make a decision, have me give an opinion, I felt completely overwhelmed.
I share all of this so that others who are like me can know that they are not alone. And those who are not like me, can hopefully gain some insight and understand better why I may cut out on things and that it is not personal to them — it is simply me taking care of me.
I’m looking forward to Christmas Eve in 2 days and Christmas in 3 days. I want to enjoy my family and be grateful for my many blessings. I hope you see the great good around you, and are slow to judge others. Give others the benefit of the doubt and you will be a happier person.